


Quiet Moments

by jooliewrites



Series: Season 2 Coliver Codas [2]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode Related, Episode: s02e02 She's Dying, Established Relationship, M/M, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4926229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jooliewrites/pseuds/jooliewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a sigh, Oliver puts down his knife and heads to their bedroom.</p><p>There, just like Oliver thought, Connor is curled up on the bed with his back to the door. Oliver’s quiet as he rounds the bed and tries not to read anything into the fact that Connor’s got Oliver’s own pillow clutched tight to his chest. </p><p>“Hey,” Oliver whispers as he sits on bed. </p><p>“Hey.” </p><p>+</p><p>Post 2x02 Coliver Codas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

With a sigh, Oliver puts down his knife and heads to their bedroom. They obviously aren’t having dinner right now.

There, just like Oliver thought, Connor is curled up on the bed with his back to the door. Oliver’s quiet as he rounds the bed and tries not to read anything into the fact that Connor’s got Oliver’s own pillow clutched tight to his chest.

“Hey,” Oliver whispers as he sits on bed.

“Hey.” Connor ignores how his voice breaks on the simple word. He presses the heel of his hand to his eye and tries to be subtle as he brushes the tears away. He’s not crying…a lot.

Oliver reaches over to brush a hand through Connor’s hair and Connor tries not to lean into the touch. He doesn’t deserve kindness or love or any of this.

He doesn’t deserve Oliver.

“I can see why you didn’t tell me,” Connor whispers.

“I-” Oliver breaks off to swallow and then tries again. “I didn’t tell you to hurt you. You just-”

“No.” Connor’s quick to interrupt. “No. I asked. I deserve it.”

“Connor.” Oliver sounds pained as he scoots over. He lays down on the quilt so they are side-by-side, curled into each other.

For a moment, Connor closes his eyes to just breathe in. The night, the stillness, Oliver. He’s not worthy of this. If he were stronger, he’d offer to walk away, stop ruining Oliver’s life with his shit. But Connor’s not strong and he doesn’t know what he would do if Oliver turned him away now.

“I’m sorry I told you like that,” Oliver says after a bit. “I didn’t-” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Telling you like that was hurtful.”

“God. Don’t.” Connor scoffs. “Just don’t.” They’re silent for a beat then Connor whispers into the dark, “I’m sorry I cheated on you.”

Oliver nods, accepting. Then he offers, “Can we agree that hurting each other doesn’t work?”

This time it’s Connor’s turn to nod.

“This is going to be hard enough,” Oliver continues. “It’s going to be harder if we aren’t on each other’s sides.”

“Agreed.”

At that, Connor sneaks a glance up at Oliver and his heart breaks all over again at the pain and hurt etched into every frown line.

Abandoning Oliver’s pillow to wrap himself up in the real thing, Connor scoots over to pull Oliver in close. “I’m sorry, Oliver,” he says into Oliver’s chest, not longer attempting to hide the tears falling free. “I’m so so sorry.”

“I know.” Oliver wraps his arms around Connor and kisses the crown of his head. “I know.”

And, for now, simply holding each other is enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Eventually, Oliver falls asleep, held fast and safe in Connor’s arms.

A ghost of a smile graces Connor’s lips when Oliver’s first small snore escapes. _About damn time._

He adjusts them both a little. Not letting go, his arms still strong and sure around Oliver, Connor just shifts them a bit. Settles them in for the night. He reaches down to pull the blanket up over them both and tucks it around Oliver’s shoulders.

He cups Oliver’s cheek with a hand and lazily brushes this thumb over Oliver’s cheekbone. “You’re too good for me,” Connor whispers into the night. “Too good, Oliver. I-I don’t deserve you.”

Connor licks his lips and leans back a little. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to Oliver when he’s asleep. Easier to tell him things without fear of getting hurt. Easier to confess without the possibility of reprisal.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear it and that kind of thing.

“I keep hurting you,” Connor says, voice slow and low. “I can’t seem to figure out how to stop. I want to stop, Oliver. It’s just-”

Connor breaks off to bite down on his lip. It’s quivering all of a sudden, a sob or cry hanging right below the surface. “It’s just I’m not a nice person. I’m not good. I do _bad_ things.“ He gives half a laugh at that but its humorless. “I know you _know_ I do bad things but…but some of them are really bad, Oliver. Some of these things hurt people. Hurt you.

“I keep lying to you, Oliver. Hurting you and lying to you. And…and I hate myself for it.” The sob is breaking now and Connor fights it down. “I hate myself because…because I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lie.”

And he doesn’t. Connor knows every lie he tells Oliver takes negates a truth. The lies about attending meetings and seeking treatment spread and infect everything else. They make ‘I really wanna be here’ and ‘You are the only part of my day I look forward too’ sound like falsehoods when they aren’t, when those are the most honest truths Connor’s ever uttered.

Shaking his head once to quiet himself, none of this is any good if Oliver wakes, Connor cups a hand to Oliver’s cheek again.

“I love you,” he whispers, so low even he almost misses the words. “I love you, Oliver.”

He kisses Oliver’s forehead and closes his eyes to breathe in.

Is a confession still a confession if nobody hears it?

When Oliver stirs, restless in sleep, Connor tucks them in, back together again. He whispers the words, just once more, against Oliver’s temple before letting his eyelids drift closed.

_You’re a coward_ , Connor Walsh, he thinks as he slips into sleep. _And you don’t deserve him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [x](http://ramblesandreblogs.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> [x](http://ramblesandreblogs.tumblr.com/)


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